~The waiting is the worst.~

Another pretty color
Another pretty color

It is warm in here. I have been sitting in this waiting room for 45 minutes. I feel as if I can’t breath and that I need to get outside. Howard is sitting next to me. He is engaged in a text chat with my brother and I am glad he is occupied. Every few minutes he looks over at me; I guess to see if I appear to be okay.

It is late in the day, 4:15 and I can feel the emotions of others whom have sat in these chairs. It is as though the room itself is sad. There are other people waiting, an elderly lady and a younger lady . The elderly ladies name is called and she heads into the “back” rooms. I can’t help but notice she is all by herself and this makes me a little sadder. The younger lady is reading a magazine, she puts it down, looks at me and says “I am getting sleepy.” I reply, “it is warm in here that will make you sleepy.”  After a few more minutes she is called in the “back”.

I pick up a magazine and try to focus on the words, but my brain isn’t working. Howard continues chatting with my brother. Finally, a beautiful lady with a warm smile invites me to follow her. Yep, in the “back”. She is friendly and I can see the fatigue she is trying to hide, it has been a long day for her. She turns and asks Howard if he is okay waiting there and tells him she will be awhile.

I am instructed to get undressed from the waist up and to put on a gown, with the opening to the front. I enter the dressing area and place my clothes in locker number eight, which is the only one available.

I am now sitting in another waiting area. The decor is calming and beautiful, the colors I notice are some of my favorite – shades of teal. As I sit down, I notice the younger lady sitting in one of the teal colored chairs. She looks up from her magazine and with a  smile tells me “it is much cooler in here!” I smile back and say “thank goodness!”

I sit here for a little while, playing with the locker key wristband, twirling it in my hands.  I am looking at the number written on the key, number eight and I think to myself, eight might be a luckily number. After all both Howard and I were born in August and we began our life together in August. We met in August!

However, I know it is not a question of luck, the science will write my final story. The coolness of the room begins to seep into my bones and I wrap, the three sizes too big, flannel gown tightly around me.

The younger lady begins a conversation, she is with her daughter who has been called back for a repeat mammogram, same as me. She tells me her daughter is worried. 

It is now time, the same beautiful lady takes charge and needs to performs her task. Sorry, she tells me, “I know this is going to be uncomfortable” as we enter another room filled with equipment. Gone are the calm colors.

After she is finished, I am again sent to the Teal Room to wait. After awhile, another lady with gorgeous red hair and a friendly smile invites me into a room with soft lighting to perform an ultrasound. She is extremely kind and I ask her how her day is going as I think to myself, this can’t be good, I need an ultrasound! 

She leaves the room when she has taken the required images and tells me she will be right back after the radiologist reviews them. I say, ” I’ll just lay here and take a nap.” She is gone what seems like a lifetime. I am thinking Howard and I should be on the road, heading to see family and friends. 

A light knock on the door, the pretty lady with the red hair enters the room and I notice right away she has a great big smile on her face. The tells me things are fine, no problems. I can’t help but cover my face with my hands and say thank goodness. She tells me with a kind voice, “go celebrate!”  I get up off the bed and tell her “I wish you could say those words to everyone you see in here.”

Back to locker number eight. Who knows, perhaps a little luck, but ultimately the science relieved my mind.

I exit from the back and I don’t see either the elderly lady or the younger lady with her daughter. I see my hubby looking at me with his beautiful blue eyes. He is trying to gage my facial expression. I hope he can see my smile. I walk over to him and give him a big hug and kiss. I whisper in his ear, “we can now begin loading the coach!”

He tells me the younger lady wanted him to tell me that her daughter is fine! I am so very happy for both of them.

Finally, I am outside, it is cooler and I can once again breathe. My experience started a week and a half ago and I am grateful it is over.

I thank the medical staff for the great job they do. I thank the innovative minds for their dedication to improving the science and I am grateful for the available technology used to help diagnose and cure cancer.

 

To those who have taken these same steps, I am happy for you.

To those who have fraught a battle and won I salute you – you are strong!

To the family and friends of those who have lost their lives to breast cancer or any cancer, I am so sorry.

18 thoughts on “~The waiting is the worst.~”

    1. Hi Brandy! A lovely quote for sure and so true. I hope you keep in touch. Our time at home this summer was short. Kloud injured her toe that required a vet visit and with her unable to walk we didn’t see you guys much. Hopefully, next summer we will. Our only plans for the summer is to enjoy being there.

  1. Idle chatter to ease the mind, reaching beyond the heart to say I understand or simple filling the space. At certain times in life it does not matter what is said or not said, it is just felt. I am very grateful you are ok.

  2. So sorry to hear about your stressful experience. I’ve had biopsies and surgeries and fortunately it has always turned out to be nothing serious but it is very alarming. Have fun loading the rig. We’re moving to Chatfield tomorrow for a week and then starting our migration south for the winter. Happy trails 🙂

    1. Hi Ingrid, thanks for writing and I am sorry to hear about your experiences as well. So glad things turned out okay! Where are you guys heading? Enjoy Colorado and enjoy the colors for me!!

    1. Thank you so much for writing! It sure was a relief. I was able to call Friday morning and slip into a cancellation, which was a huge relief in itself. Take care!

  3. Sheila, so glad to hear all is well. I had a similar experience right after hubby received his second prostate cancer diagnosis. I remember telling the ultrasound tech that I didn’t have time to be ill as hubby had just begun his radiation treatments. A cancer diagnosis is so difficult to receive. I am so glad to hear your news was positive. 🙂

    1. LuAnn, I remember your post, so glad it turned out fine! What a time in your life to be called back. I hope you guys are enjoying yourselves, it sure sounds like you are! I am truly so very sorry that I was not able to meet up with you and Ingrid. With all our doctor appointments coming due in September, us being gone this summer and us having to leave early it was bad timing. Hubby had his 10 year colonoscopy, which took up two days! 😳 This process was interesting this time, new drugs putting one to sleep fast and waking up fast. He was under for only 20 minutes! I had just settled into my seat and they were calling my name to come be with him. I look forward to reading your new adventures. Safe travels and good health – always!!

      1. Sheila, I would have loved to meet up with you. The flexibility of this lifestyle means that there may well be other times for that meet-up. So glad to hear all is well with both of you. Take care and safe travels. 🙂

  4. Have gone through this more times than I can count. I only had one scare, about 5 years ago, when they re-scanned, re-scanned, and then did an ultra sound. And you are right… the waiting is by far, the worst. But all was well in the end, and I rejoice with you on your results! Happy Trails!

  5. Sheila, I’m sure I’m echoing what everyone else here says, when I say I hope to see you blogging again soon! Because Wolf Song Blog includes more posts about birds, among the many blogs I follow, I wanted to call your attention to this report: “The State of the Birds 2014” (http://www.stateofthebirds.org/) There are worries in it, for sure; but also many, many examples of good stuff: the reversal of declining numbers when good conservation measures are put in place! So, lots to like in it, too.

    1. I so appreciate your thoughts on my blog, it sure makes me want to continue knowing you enjoy my photos. Birding is a passion and I love taking photos of them. We have plans to visit some birding areas, such as Fort DeSoto in Florida so I am hoping to see and photo some of its beautiful birds. Thanks for the link, I will read it. Keep in touch, I enjoy hearing from you!!

  6. On Monday morning I heard from a dear friend. Her husband had been fighting cancer for a year and he lost his battlle Sunday night. He passed peacefully with his wife holding him and family members there. My heart was broken for them. My experience was nothing compared to this. Enjoy each day, each other and experience every moment to its fullest.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s